Desperation creeps in
Day 2 of my hospital admittance (really day 3 considering those lost 23 hours in the Emergency Room but who’s counting), and my mind is starting to turn on me. Desperation is the only word I can use to describe me right now. Desperate to be better, desperate to feel better, desperate to be out of here.
From my past experiences I have a justified fear of being hospitalized. For me, or anyone with a chronic condition, it is a tricky situation since it’s rare to find a doctor that can understand my situation and look at my body as a whole. Luckily I am at the hospital where my “team” of docs can be found so that does help a lot but they aren’t the ones you interact with now, are they? It’s all nurses and staff who are sometimes less “enthused” to help. I also have this great fear (also from experience) that once you’re in here, it can go downhill pretty fast, and coming in with a seemingly controllable situation can go south pretty quickly.
They have found where I was bleeding from. Turns out there is a small ulcer in my esophagus. BUT I lost such a large amount of blood from the time this whole thing started that my morning visit from the doctor had him talking blood transfusion. Losing blood is not good for anyone but as a heart patient my levels are dangerous, and according to the doc I really shouldn’t go home like this. I shutter at the word “transfusion.”
I had finally calmed down a bit after the past few days but this got me worked UP just now. I can’t say I’m comfortable with this idea at all.
Has anyone out there ever had a transfusion? If so, could you please comment and leave your email or email me so I can ask you some questions? Thank you so so much.
I can be reached at this address: savelaurensheart [at] gmail [dot] com
Until then, I am meditating on leaving here asap with my own blood at a very full, luscious, delicious level to heal and repair my body.
Although, I can’t lie… I am pretty upset right now. I feel as though I’ve lost my coping mechanisms of the past.
11 months ago • 5 notes
