Was It All A Dream?
i feel like i’m in some fairy tale.
last night is this colorful blur of people and sounds. i am still mentally processing everything; at any given time last night i felt like everything that was happening was not real! to say i was overwhelmed is an understatement. not only hadn’t i been out in that environment in awhile but i have also never been the point of attention. i am so grateful and overwhelmed —in a good way.
what an amazing night. and all because of you.
speaking in front of the room was, of course, the toughest part of the evening for me. i was nervous and so concentrated on keeping it positive and happy. it was also important to me to get across how important carrying on and helping others is to me. as i stood up there i had this tremendous thought and at the time, i couldn’t find the words to describe what i was feeling. i knew it would take a while to form and cultivate in my brain before i could express the way i felt at that moment, and now it’s here:
during those very celestial moments i was standing in front of a room filled with love, i thought to myself “how could i ever be mad at this hand i’ve been dealt again?”. “how could i ever be angry at my body, my illness, my work in progress?” you know, sometimes i have my down days and i am frustrated with my body, and i hate that it has betrayed me in the ways it has and although i am seeing improvement and those angry days are happening less —they still happen, and it’s hard to NOT be angry at your limits. no matter what form they come in.
BUT, that very moment something clicked within me. how lucky you are Lauren; you get to experience this outpouring of love and you’re seeing firsthand the genuine goodness in people. through my trials, i have gotten an exclusive front seat to the essence of humanity (not to sound dramatic). i’ve seen what people can do for other people when they are compelled to help another. how lucky we all are, my family and friends and everyone in that room last night, to live something a lot of people may not ever experience or know enough to appreciate it. at that one moment last night all walks of life stood there, united, and the energy was alive and glowing. everyone’s faces had this similar complacent smirk and it was beautiful. breathtaking. i wish i could contain it somehow and recreate it again. that feeling is something i will never ever forget.
i can compare it to when you see a shooting star. there’s something about being witness to a happening so much bigger than you, so larger than life: lucky and humbled.
so, thank you again, and this time, i thank you for giving me a space i can try and go back to when and if i am in a hospital bed, an operating room, a doctors office, or just a bad state of mind. last night’s energy will be the place i take myself back to again and again. and i will feel safe.
just for that moment alone, just to see your faces, just to experience that sensational energy, it makes my journey a lot easier to understand and accept and carry on with a force that i seem to have found from all of you collectively.
on that note, sweet dreams to everyone. i hope you can take something magical away from our experience last night like i have.
i hope this doesn’t sound too cheesy. i mean every word.
3 years ago • Notes