January 2010
19 posts
Starting over every single day
Haven’t really felt like writing in the past few days because it’s been a whole lot of the same thing: one day I feel good, the next I am in pain. And so has been the case for days now. There is no reason for it, I’ve given up on trying to figure out why I have bone crushing pain one day and can walk around just fine the next. I’ve tried everything in my arsenal from...
Insomniac
Sometimes I don’t go to sleep because I cannot (despite feeling exhausted). Thoughts that race through my mind keep me awake and staring at the ceiling until the sun comes up. It’s torture.
Sometimes I don’t go to bed and rest my body purposely because I am afraid of the bad dreams I’ll have. There are phases I go through where my dreams are so incredibly real and...
2 Years Ago On This Day
I was at the Cleveland Clinic having my pacemaker defibrillator implanted in my chest.
ICD Clinic at Columbia Presbyterian
Yesterday I headed up to Columbia to the ICD Clinic.
The Clinic is where my pacemaker defibrillator gets a check up. I am supposed to go every four months but this time I put it off way too long and it wound up being eight months since my last appointment!
It’s not my most favorite thing to sit through. Basically a nurse tech interrogates my device by going into my pacemaker...
I Rode the Subway!
After Tuesday’s yoga setback I was feeling adventurous yesterday.
Although I was still feeling a bit run-down T and I were headed out for the day and he suggested we take the subway since we were together. It’s been over two years since I have taken the subway. I jumped at the chance.
Two years ago when I was fainting all over Manhattan I felt trapped down in the subway many...
Staying Focused
After my post about yoga I was so set for Tuesday afternoon!
Well, my body had other plans. I felt absolutely awful, it was one of those days where everything hurt. Bad.
I couldn’t imagine moving far from bed so attending a yoga class wasn’t a realistic goal for the day. I am getting better at accepting the bad days so for once I didn’t dwell on the fact that I...
A Tale of Victory!
It’s all about small victories in life.
This experience is helping me approach each day with excitement.
A Terrible Dream
I’ve always been fascinated by dreams. Especially my dreams which have always seemed to be more like epic movies. I dream so vividly, the colors, the story lines, everything is so elaborate. I try and write down anything I remember when I first wake up so I could make sense of it later.
This morning I woke up terrified. I had just experienced the most intense, long, twisted awful dream...
I am two people
Yesterday i felt so amazing. Tons of energy, no pain, no achy muscles… I did as much as I possibly could in one day. I did not want it to end. It was magical! To feel able-bodied, wow.
I’ll never understand how I could experience a day like yesterday and then wake up like this today. My head feels like it is filled with a thick fog, all I can do is stare. I feel exhausted, as if...
Rheumatologist today
Off to an appointment with my new Rheumatologist Dr. B.
There is a bit of a controversial decision that I am about to make and hopefully today will help. So far, I’ve spoken to all of my trusted doctors and healers and they seem to be 50/50 on the subject of using antibiotics (minocycline) as a cure/ control for Scleroderma and autoimmune diseases.
The theory is best explained here...
Gall Bladder Flush - Getting rid of all that junk
Remember when I got so sick a little over one week ago? Well, what I thought was a stomach virus turns out to be a Gall Bladder attack.
I didn’t even know what the gall bladder was or its function but apparently mine was angry. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I was getting sick for hours. So gross.
After this diagnosis I went to a book that I use for almost everything. ...
Here's the link to the list
I’m taking a risk here, this is super personal stuff.
Some days it all catches up to me. Some days I feel so sad for everything that has happened and I can cry the whole day long. Today was one of those days.
I spend so much time moving forward in battle mode and pushing through the obstacles I forget to take the time to be sad. I stay positive because I convince myself it will all be ok, and...
Lauren's List of Incredible Sadness
I’m taking a risk here, this is super personal stuff.
Some days it all catches up to me. Some days I feel so sad for everything that has happened and I can cry the whole day long. Today was one of those days.
I spend so much time moving forward in battle mode and pushing through the obstacles I forget to take the time to be sad. I stay positive because I convince myself it will all be...
2010
New year new start.
I attempt to live every day with the thought that I’m starting over, but somehow the changing of a year makes it easier for all of us to embrace this idea of “starting with a clean slate”.
I have much to be thankful for in 2009 but I am thrilled to know it’s behind me now. Lessons have been learned, tough experiences have brought me greater...
“Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and...”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson (via quote-book)