December 2008
15 posts
Rerun
It’s back. The pain under my left rib. In true form, it disappeared for about a week and a half and it snuck back into the mix slowly the past couple of days. I was awake all night last night thinking about this pain: what could it be? Where is it? What organ is hurting exactly? My heart? My stomach? I was spinning all night long. I am in this all too familiar state of wired slash overtired...
Numb
Haven’t felt like writing much. Mostly because I don’t like to spread the negativity when I am feeling down and particularly “icky”.
I haven’t been feeling physically well the past week. I am having a reaction to a new medicine I started about two weeks ago, and I am trying so hard to just get through this bad part. I wake up naush, battle waves of naush...
Saved!
Last night I was well on my way to one of those awful, mysterious attacks I get with my stomach. Awake for hours pacing, then fetal position, then back to pacing, I finally had to make a decision. Was I going to let this get to the point of no return or reach for the diesel “in case of emergency” painkillers my docs prescribed for these situations.
No longer able to deal with any...
Also
No word back on the tests yet. I will probably have results from Columbia mid week. Waiting is always a messed up part of this whole thing. It can really play with your head. It’s the worst!! AAHHHH!
It’s ok, because I know I am getting better. So I can wait because I know it will be really good news. It has to be.
awake, what a surprise
So, I don’t really sleep anymore. At least that’s what it seems like. The past two weeks have been especially bad. I don’t sleep for more than a couple of hours a night. Literally two hours. I watch the sun come up. I listen to the early morning sounds of the street cleaners and I count the first couple of steps on the sidewalk in front. It’s maddening.
Last night I...
Still here
Now waiting to get blood taken. Been here for hours already. I want a shower and tons of vitamin C.
Waiting waiting waiting
I am sitting in a sauna! The waiting room is packed, and hot, and stuffy. Totally gross. I’m paranoid I will get sick from being here. Of course, stomach doc is running late. One down, one to go. Didn’t tell my rheumatologist I haven’t been taking my med. I chickened out! I figure I will see what the blood tests say.
warning: negative mode
is it just me or has it been especially “depressing” lately?
it seems like everyone is sad. like there is a gray screen over everything. it seems like so many bad things are happening —i keep hearing depressing, gloomy news (because of this i have made an effort to stay away from the news when it’s on and haven’t even been able to read the papers lately). this makes...
Gearing up
Getting ready for my week. I’ve got lots of appointments, including a day up at Columbia on Wednesday. I will be going to see my rheumatologist as well as a stomach doc. I also have the regulars: acupuncture, etc. Acupuncture helps me so so much.
Been feeling physically better. All around just “better”. Focusing on getting my mind together.
Here we go… I will update...
My Introduction to Philosophy
Everytime I seem to think I’ve wrapped my head around this whole “healing” thing, I am forced to open my eyes and realize that this is only the beginning, and there is so much more to do. It’s such a strange feeling. I think I am making progress (and I am !) only to get just strong enough to deal with the next set of problems. I am not complaining here, I am simply...
today will be a good day
today will be a good day. today will be a good day.today will be a good day. today will be a good day.today will be a good day. today will be a good day.today will be a good day. today will be a good day.today will be a good day. today will be a good day.
i just keep repeating this as i lay in bed because the past week has been a rough one. it’s been really tough, mentally and physically. ...